DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List off Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. 
Price 15c each. Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given 



DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc, 

M. F. 

Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 

acts, ZYi hrs (25c) 8 8 

Abbu ban of Old Japan, 2 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 15 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1J4 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 4 4 

All on Account of Polly, 3 acts, 

2Vi hrs (25c) 6 10 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2 l / 2 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 

2% hrs (25c) 9 7 

At the End of the Rainbow, 3 

acts, 2% hrs (25c) 6 14 

Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 lira! 

(25c) 8 4 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 h. (25c) 9 3 
Boy Scout Hero, 2 acts, VA hrs. 

(25c) 17 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2 l /± 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Burns Rebellion, 1 hr (25c) 8 5 

Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2y x h. (25c) 7 4 
Civil Service, 3 acts, 2 1 /! hrs. 

(25c) 6 5 

College Town, 3 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 9 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs. . 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert. 4 

acts, 2J4 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Deacon Dubbs, 3 acts, 2% hrs. 

(25c) 5 5 

Deacon Entangled, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) ..6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2 '4 

hrs , (25c) 8 4 

Dream That Came True, 3 

acts, 2'4 hrs (25c) 6 13 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c) 10 

Enchanted Wood, 1 3.$ h.(35c).Optnl. 
Everyyouth, 3 acts, \y 2 h. (25c) 7 6 
Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs >(25c) 4 4 

Fun on the PoUunk Limited, 

iy 2 hrs (25c) 9 14 

Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

Her Honor, the Mayor, 3 acts, 

2 hrs. (25c) 3 5 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 12 

Honor of a Cowbov, 4 acts, 2^> 

his '. (25c) 13 4 

Indian Days, 1 hr (50c) 5 2 



In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 2% 

hit (25c) 6 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 his. . (25c) 5 4 
Jayyille Junction, \y 2 hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Kicked Out of College, 3 acts, 

2% hrs (25c) 10 9 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 2J4 hrs (25c) 6 12 

Laughing Cure, 2 acts, 1^4 hrs. 

(25c) 4 5 

Lexington, 4 acts, 2J4 h..(25c) 9 4 
Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2% hrs. 

(5c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 

hrs. " (25c) 5 2 

Mirandy's Minstrels. ... (25c) Optn! 
Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytown, 3 

acts, 214 hrs (25c) 4 7 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr.... 3 6 
Old Maid's Club, IK hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 6 

Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

154 hrs (25c) 12 9 

On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

21/2 hrs (25c) 10 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 
Parlor Matches, 2 acts, V/ 2 hrs. 

(25c) 4 5 

Poor Married Man, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

1 Prairie Rose, 4 acts, 2Y 2 h.(25c) 7 4 

Rummage Sale, 50 min 4 10 

Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2>4 

hrs (25c) 10 12 

Savageland, 2 acts, 2]/ 2 hrs. (50c) 5 5 
School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1)4 hrs. 6 5 
Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 
Sewing for the Heathen, 40 min. 9 
Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 

Star Bright, 3 acts, 2y h. C5c> 6 5 
Teacher, Kin I Go Home? 2 

scenes, 35 min 7 3 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Thread of Destiny, 3 acts. 2^ 

hrs (25c) 9 16 

Tony, the Convict, 5 acts. 2K 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Town Marshal, 4 acts, 2 V x 

hrs (25c) 6 3 

Trial of Hearts, 4 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(25c) 6 18 

Trip to Storvland, Hi hrs. (25c) 17 23 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2% hrs. (25c) 8 3 
Under Blue Skies, 4 acts. 2 

hrs (25c) 7 10 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts. 2 hrs. 6 4 
When the Circus Came to 

Town, 3 acts, 2^ hrs. (25c) 5 3 



T.S.DENISON&COMPANY,Publishers,154W.RandolphSt., Chicago 



THE STREET FAKER 



A LAUGHING PRESCRIPTION 
CONCOCTED 



BY 

HARRY L. NEWTON 

AUTHOR OF 

'All on Account of Polly" "The Corner Drug Store" "Every youth* 

"The Goodfellow," "Good Mornin' Judge" "The Heiress of 

Hoetown" "Jayville Junction" "The Little Red School 

House" "Teacher Kin I Go Home?" "When the 

Circus Came to Town" "Some Vaudeville 

Monologues" etc. 




CHICAGO 
S. DENISON & COMPANY, 
Publishers 



THE STREET FAKER 

CHARACTERS. 

"Doc" Sweetwater An Enticer of Money. 

Smudge Enticed from Home. 

Hi Grass Willing to be Enticed. 

Time — This Evening. 

Place — Some Town. 

Time of Playing — About Fifteen Minutes. 

COSTUMES AND CHARACTERS. 

"Doc" Sweetwater — A typical street faker. Fly, fast 
talker. Dresses in high hat, long coat, flashy vest and 
checked trousers. 

Smudge — A droll blackface minstrel. Costume ad lib — 
should be capable of playing banjo or other stringed instru- 
ment. 

Hi Grass — Typical old rube, about 60. Strong yankee 
dialect, long chin whiskers, long linen duster, etc. 

PROPERTIES. 

Tripod, suitcase, several bottles of medicine, whiskey bot- 
tle and small glass for Doc. 

A collection of watches, pocketbooks, a lady's bag, etc. 
for Grass. 

A banjo for Smudge. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of stage ; C, center ; R. C, right center ; 
L., left ; I E.j first entrance ; U. E., upper entrance ; R. j 
E., right entrance, up stage, etc.; R. D., right door; L. D., 
left door, etc. ; up stage, away from footlights ; down stage, 
near footlights. The actor is supposed to be facing the 
audience. 

COPYRIGHT, 1917, BY EBEN H. NORRIS. ^ 

2 #&>- 



CI.D 47785 



^70(^ 12 1917 

"Vv© { , 



THE STREET FAKER 



Scene : A village street. 

At Rise. Enter Doc and Smudge from R. Doc carries 
tripod and suitcase. Smudge has banjo. In suitcase are 
several bottles of medicine. 

Doc. This looks like a likely corner. We'll open up 
here. {Proceeds to adjust tripod and suitcase at C. zvhile 
speaking. Smudge sta)ids motionless and dejectedly L. 
of C.) They tell me this is a real town, immense for medi- 
cine business since it went dry. I am further informed that 
Golden Rod Highballs and Clover Blossom Cocktails are 
now the chief local industries. Such being the case my Yu- 
caw-taw-ze-hawzie Bitters should go like the proverbial hot 
cakes on a December morning. (Pause — looks at Smudge.) 
Well, why don't you say something? What's the matter with 
you ? 

Smudge. You know doggone well what's the matter 
with me. I'm hungry. 

Doc. Seems to me you told me that two weeks ago. 

Smudge. Well, it's the same hungry. 

Doc. Shame on you, Smudge. You have been with me 
two weeks now. You should have money in the bank. 

Smudge. And I should have something in my stomach, 
but I ain't. 

Doc. Why, I didn't know you ever missed a meal. 

Smudge. I ain't exactly missed a meal, but I done had 
a whole lot of 'em postponed. 

Doc. And am I responsible for that? 

Smudge. How's come you ain't? You done entice me 
from my excellent and responsible position in de barber 
shop back in Memphis. Didn't you come in and get your 
shoes shined, and didn't you say to me : "Young man, shin- 
ing shoes aren't your vacation in life. You should be a 
actor in my show." Didn't you exclaim dem most alluring 
words to me ? 



4 THE STREET FAKER 

Doc. Well, and aren't you an actor? 

Smudge. No, I aren't. I'm hungry. 

Doc. Smudge, you will have to climb higher in the pro- 
fession before you can taste the laurels that crown the foot- 
prints of us great doctors of medicine. Since you joined 
me everything has happened to you, has it not? 

Smudge. Yes, sah, everything except something to eat. 
Say, every time I go to a back door and ask de kind lady 
for something to eat, they sic de dog on me. Instead of 
getting bread, I get dog. Now let me tell you something. 
De next time dey show me a dog, I'm a-going to eat him. 

Doc. Ah, but suppose he eats you? 

Smudge. Man, if he eats me any faster than I eats him, 
he'll have to work mighty fast, dat's all — mighty fast. 

Doc. Hush ! The crowd is gathering. (Business by 
Smudge of looking at imaginary crowd). Now, good peo- 
ple, don't crowd so close. There's plenty of room for all 
to see. I want to say that I am simply delighted to see so 
many here this evening — 

Smudge. Yes, we didn't know there was so many out 
of work. 

Doc. (addressing imaginary crowd). Now, neighbors, 
we're going to give you a sparkjirrg little entertainment be- 
fore we introduce the real object of our visit to your bus- 
tling and enterprising city.- (To imaginary small boys.) 

Now, boys, behave ! Just a little further back from the 
stand, please. 

(Business by Smudge.) 

Our purpose, neighbors, is to distribute absolutely free 
of charge these large and effervescent bottles of my mar- 
velous Yu-caw-taw-ze-hawzie Bitters. But^before^j' offer 
you this wonderful remedy, my company of^cxajrfedians is 
going to entertain you. 

(Smudge gets banjo ready to play and strikes a chord, 
but is stopped by Doc.) 

Remember, ladies and gentlemen, that you are absolutely 
taking no chances in purchasing my wonderful remedy, 
which is about to be placed in your eager hands positively 



THE STREET FAKER 5 

free gratis for nothing. After our celebrated troupe of 
high class comedians have performed for your edification, 
I shall then have something more to say about this mar- 
velous compound. 

(Smudge again strikes chord on banjo, but stops dis- 
gustedly as Doc goes on talking.) 

I've sold it, neighbors, in every town, city, village and 
hamlet in the civilized and uncivilized world — including 
Brooklyn. And I pledge you my word of honor that I have 
heretofore never disposed of a single bottle for less than a 
two dollar bill. But tonight, neighbors, I am going to give it 
away in your city — for one dollar the bottle. The comedians 
will now entertain you. 

(Business by Smudge as before.) 

I want to say, ladies and gentlemen, that entirely unlike 
all other medicinal compounds on the market, my compound 
is not made from roots and herbs. Look at it. 

(Holds a bottle up.) 

Look at it, I say ! It won't cost you a cent — to look at it. 
No, siree. There is not one particle of roots and herbs in 
this — neither is it a secret formula. I'm going to tell you 
later just how it's compounded. The comedians will' now 
give you their part of tonight's free show. 

(Business by Smudge as before.) 

The first ingredient used in this marvelous preparation 
is the pulverized bones of spring chickens. 

(Business by Smudge as he mentions word chicken.) 

Next we take the meat of fresh killed possum, sun dry 
it and grind it into a fine powder. 

(Business by Smudge.) 

To give it the delightful flavor it possesses, large quanti- 
ties of Kalamazoo celery and Georgia sweet potatoes are 
ground to a pulp and thoroughly mixed with the chicken 
bones and possum meat. 

(Business by Smudge.) 

You might well ask yourself wherein is obtained the 
liquid effect you observe here. My friends, I keep nothing 



6 THE STREET FAKER 

back from you. First we use the finest gin that money can 
buy. 

(Business by Smudge.) 

Not content with that we extract the lucious juice from 
watermelons, canteloupes, apple pie and corn on the cob. 

(Business by Smudge.) 

Now, friends, just one more look. Take particular notice 
of its color. 

(Holds bottle up high.) 

Did you ever see a more brilliant liquid? No artificial 
coloring or chemicals are used to attain this sparkling and 
effervescent effect. No, friends, we get this wonderful ef- 
fect by using the juice of rare porterhouse steaks and fried 
mushrooms. 

(Smudge has been working close to Doc through latter 
part of his speech and nozv grabs bottle, uncorks it and 
drinks. Doc attempts to grab bottle.) 

Smudge (shoves Doc's hand away). Man, go way. 
You have deceived me long enough. (Drinks.) 

Doc. Gimme that bottle and get to work. 

Smudge. Go on, man, this is my lunch hour. I'll go to 
work after I finish my porterhouse steak and mushrooms. 
(Drinks.) 

Doc. (to imaginary crowd). And now, my friends, my 
entire company of colored comedians will offer their hilari- 
ous program of song and mirth. 

Smudge introduces song and banjo specialty. . Enter 
Grass after his specialty. The tap of his cane on floor is 
heard as lie comes on and attracts the attention of Doc and 
Smudge. They stare at Grass in keen astonishment. Then: 
Doc. (to Grass). Ah, young man, welcome. You are just 
in time to get the very last bottle of my celebrated com- 
pound. We've completely sold out but for this one bottle. 

Grass (with hand to ear). Hey? 

Doc. Oh, I see, you're hard of hearing. Well, sir, this 
is a positive cure. 

Grass (with hand to car). What say? 



THE STREET FAKER 7 

Doc. (yelling in Grass' car). I say, you are hard of 
hearing. 

Grass. Nope. I was, but I'm all cured up now. 

Smudge. Doc, there ain't nothing the matter with that 
man but one thing, he's been exposed to old age and caught 
it. 

Doc. (to Grass). Young man, I can see you are troubled 
with symptoms. You need a bottle of my marvelous bitters, 
absolutely guaranteed to cure symptoms in its last stages, f 

Grass. I ain't got any symptoms. I had 'em, but I'm 
all cured up now. 

Doc. I see. Have you loss of memory, loss of an arm, 
leg, eye, both eyes, stomach, body or head? 

Grass. Nope. I did have, but I'm all cured up now. 

Doc. Ever had smallpox? 

Grass. Yep. I'm troubled with that every day or two. 

Doc. Have you ever had rheumatism, lumbago, neural- 
gia, pneumonia, hoof and mouth disease, dyspepsia, spavins, 
warts, ingrowing nails or grouch, ringworms, springhalt, 
apoplexy, tuberculosis, measles, insanity, chillblains, insom- 
nia, glanders, hay fever or grass widow, pinkeye, shortness 
of breath or bank account, delirium tremens, kleptomania 
or matrimony ? 

Grass. Yep. Had 'em all. But I'm all cured up now. 

Smudge. Doc, let me ask that man just one question. 

Doc. Go ahead. I'm off of him. 

Smudge (to Grass). Have you ever been hungry? 

Doc. (to Grass.) Say, I don't make you a-tall. You 
haven't anything the matter with you — you don't want to 
buy a bottle of this medicine — now what do you want here? 

Grass. Well, I kinder hankered like to join your troupe. 
(Doc and Smudge laugh at the idea.) 

Doc. Young man, before anybody can join out with me, 
he's got to show what he can do. Now you take a bottle of 
my dope here, get in the crowd and see what you can do. 

(Doc hands Grass bottle and small whiskey glass, and 
then he and Smudge assist him down steps and into audi- 
ence, with much comedy business. The orchestra plays 



8 THE STREET FAKER 

loud and fast as Grass starts up the aisle. Grass conies to 
man in the audience, stops, raises a hand and calls to Doc. 
Music stops.) 

Grass. Oh, Doc. - 

Doc. Well, what is it ? 

Grass. This man's got a headache. 

Doc. Ask the gentleman where his headache is. 

Grass, He says his headache is in his head. 

Doc. Sorry, but he's got something incurable. A head- 
acne in the head calls for more heroic treatment. (Music 
plays again and Grass passes up aisle. Same business 
as before, raising hand and calling to Doc.) 

Grass. Oh, Doc. This man here wants to know if your 
medicine's good for cold feet. 

Doc. Finest thing in the world for cold feet, sir. 

Grass. All right. He says he'll tell his wife to get a 
bottle. (Music plays, Grass passes up aisle and again 
stops.) Oh, Doc. (Music stops.) Young feller here 
wants to know if your stuff is good for falling hair. 

Doc. Good for what? 

Grass. Falling hair. 
...-Smudge. Ask him if it's blonde or brunette. (Grass by 
this time has worked up one aisle and starts down other.) 

Grass. Oh, Doc. This gent here asked me if there was 
any alcohol in your dope. 

Doc. Alcohol? Not one drop, sir. I have $5,000 right 
in my hand, cold cash, that says there is not one single drop 
of alcohol in my medicine. 

Grass. Too had, Doc. We lost a sale. (He moves 
along aisle and stops again.) Oh, Doc. 
^y&oc. Well? 
j ^XjRASS. I just wanted to tell you that I nearly sold a 
/ Dottle to this young lady here. 
Jr iZZj)*^- You nearly sold her one? 

ass. Yes. If she'd said yes instead of no I'd sold her 
one. (He mores along — stops.) Oh, Doc. This here feller 
wants to know if you can change a twenty dollar bill. 

Doc. Certainly I can. 



THE STREET FAKER 9 

Grass. Well, he says he ain't got a twenty dollar bill. 
He just wanted to know if you could change one if he had 
one. (Grass is nozv at steps to stage and assisted tip by 
Doc and Smudge.) 

Doc. Well, young man, what kind of luck did you have? 

Grass. Well, I didn't sell no medicine, but otherwise I 
had purty good luck. (Pulls out watches, pockctbooks, a 
lady's bag, etc.) 

Doc. Kid, you're all right. You join my troupe. 

(Songs for Finale.) ^y\*S 

Curtain. 



Denison's Vaudeville Monologues 

Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid 

HEY, RUBE! — Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 male. Time, 
15 minutes. Reuben Spinach, from Yapton, visits Chicago for the 
first time. The way he tells of the sights and what befell him 
would make a sphinx laugh. 

KILLARNEY B LA R N EY.- Irish monologue, by Harry L. New- 
ton; 1 male. Time, 15 minutes. Barney McGooggen's stories of 
himself and his friend Casev reach the apex of Irish wit. 

MARRIAGE AND AFTER.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton and 
A. S. Hoffman; 1 male. Time, about 10 minutes. A laugh every 
two seconds on a subject which appeals to all. Full of local hits. 

ME AND MY DOWN TRODDEN SEX.— Old maid monologue, by 
Harry L. Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 1 female. Time, 5 min- 
utes. Polly has lived long enough to gather a few facts about 
men which are told in the most laughable manner imaginable. 

MRS. CLANCY'S CON FESSION.— Monologue, by Harry L. New- 
ton; 1 female. Time, 10 minutes. Mrs. Clancy says: "Marriage 
is a great institution — for the blind, as it opens the eyes quicker 
than anything else in the world." 

MY FRIEND FRITZ. — Dutch monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 
1 male. Time, 15 minutes. Hans Snitzer, a German but not from 
Milwaukee, has some funny experiences. His Turkish bath story 
will thaw out anv audience. 

PETE YANSEN'S GURL'S MODER.— Swede monologue, by Char- 
ley Varley; 1 male. Time, 10 minutes. Yansen is "yust" from 
"Min-ap-'lis" where they make good Swede "yokes." 

SI AND I. — Country girl monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 
female. Time, 15 minutes. Samantha Simpkins of Squashville and 
her beau, Si, visit Chicago. 

SILLY SAMMY'S SECRETS.— Country kid monologue, by Harry 
L. Newton; 1 male. Time, 10 minutes. A merry message of mirth 
sent direct from "down on the farm." 

A SUNNY SON OF ITALY.— Italian monologue by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 male. Time, 15 minutes. Dis-a country no much-a 
good for Italian mans. German mans he make -a all de beer; 
Jew mans he make-a all de money; Irish mans he made-a all de 
politicians and hold-a all de soft-a snap jobs. What-a you know 
about dat, eh? 

A SWIFT PROPOSITION.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 
male. Time, 15 minutes. There are various kinds of vehicles, but 
"A Swift Proposition" is one which will transport any audience 
into a realm of mirth. 

A TRAMP WITH A TRAMP. — Tramp monologue, by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 male. Time, 15 minutes. Nifty Nick, a gentleman of 
leisure, who tramps along a highway of mirth, where each "hand 
out" is a bunch of laughs. 

THE TROUBLES OF ROZINSKI.— Jew monologue, by Harry L. 
Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 1 male. Time, 15 minutes. Rozinski, 
a buttonhole maker, is forced to join the union and go on a 
"strike." He has troubles every minute that will tickle the ribs 
of both Labor and Capital. 

UNCLE BILL AT THE VAUDEVI LLE.— Rube monologue, by 
Harry L. Newton; 1 male. Time, 15 minutes. Uncle Bill Bilkins, 
a wise old Rube, attends the continuous vaudeville and sees the 
"hull durn show." 

WOMEN'S WAYS.— Monologue, by Harry E. Newton; 1 male. 
Time, 15 minutes. There are two kinds of women of which men 
should beware, the married and the unmarried. Both have curi- 
ous ways, which are told in a most humorous manner. 

WORDS TO THE WISE. — Monologue, by Harry Newton; 1 male. 
Time about 15 minutes. A typical vaudeville act, which is fat 
with funny lines and rich, rare hits. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



Denison's Vaudeville Sketches 

" A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." 
Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid 

BREAKFAST FOOD FOR TWO.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry 
L. Newton; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Scene: Simple 
interior. Seldom Sells, a drummer for bottled spring water and 
condensed milk, and Carrie Samples, a breakfast food demonstra- 
tor, meet in a small freight office during a snow blockade. Once 
they were friends, but strangers now; however, while appeasing 
their hunger with their samples a reconciliation is affected. This 
sketch is a decided novelty and one of the most choice morsels of 
humor ever served. 

THE CABMAN AND THE LADY.— Vaudeville sketch, adapted by 
William D. Emerson; 2 males, 1 female. Time, 30 minutes. Played 
a number of seasons with great success by "Emerson, Caffray and 
Emerson." It is a scream. 

A COLD FINISH.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 
males, 1 female. Time, 15 minutes. Scene: An interior. A 
cheeky life insurance agent forces himself into the home of a 
wealthy lady. Her attempt to get rid of him is side splitting. It 
has an unexpected finish which is always a great hit in vaude- 
ville. Really a two-part sketch, as the iceman has only a few 
lines. 

THE COUNTERFEIT BILLS.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L.. 
Newton; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. A long lost sailor 
returns and in explaining his absence to his wife, finds he has 
steered into rough weather. As a peace-offering he gives her a 
large "roll of bills" and she admits having a second husband 
named Bill; however both prove counterfeit. There is a dash of 
wit and a foam of humor in the Old Salt's tale of adventures 
that cannot fail to delight. 

DOINGS OF A DUDE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 
2 males, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Scene: Simple interior. 
Maizy von Billion, of athletic tendencies, is expecting a boxing 
instructor and has procured Bloody Mike, a prize fighter, to "try 
him out." Percy Montmorency, her sister's ping pong teacher, is 
mistaken for the boxing instructor and has a "trying out" that 
is a surprise. A whirlwind of fun and action. 

FRESH TIMOTHY HAY.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. New- 
ton; 2 males, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Scene: Simple rural 
exterior. By terms of a will, Rose Lark must marry Reed Bird or 
forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never met and when he 
arrives Timothv Hay, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him for Pink 
Eye Pete, a notorious thief. Ludicrous lines and rapid action. 
Chance for songs and specialties if desired. 

"We presented 'Fresh Timothy Hay' with great success. — 
Frank S. Wildt, Lancaster, Pa. 

GLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. 
Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 25 minutes. 
Scene: Simple interior. Charlotte Russe, an actress, is scored 
by a dramatic paper. With "blood in her eye" she seeks the 
critic at the office, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob 
Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for the 
critic. Fun, jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity. 
A great Jew part. 

"Under the team name of Herbert and Elliott we are making a 
big hit with 'Glickman, the Glazier.' Your 'stuff' is the best ever. 
— C. W. Herbert, Spokane, Wash. 
T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



DEN J SONS ••"'"" 
VAUDEVILLE 




Denison's Vaudeville Sketches 

For Male Characters 

Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid 

THE COMING CHAMPION.— Colored sketch 
with a burlesque boxing bout, by Harry L. New- 
ton. 2 males. Scene: A restaurant. A black 
waiter and a mulatto fight promoter. A twenty 
minute "go" in which humor wins in a cyclone 
finish. 

A DUTCH COCKTAIL.— Vaudeville talking 
act, by Harry L. Newton; 2 males. Time, 20 
minutes. Wienerwurst and Schmerekaze con- 
coct a Dutch mixture that will tickle the most 
exacting and fun-craving palate. 
FIVE MINUTES FROM YELL COLLEGE.— Dutch, rapid-fire 
talking act, by Harry L. Newton; 2 males. Time, 15 minutes. 
Jack Schmaltz, who got the learning, and his uncle, who paid 
for it. A ludicrous investigation into the value of higher edu- 
cation. 

FOR REFORM. — Political satire for a singing quartette, by Harry 
L. Newton; 4 males. Time, 20 minutes. The boss, the ward 
heeler, the reform candidate and the office boy. The wheels of 
this political machine are lubricated with real humor. 

THE LITTLE RED SCHOOL HOUSE.— A burlesque sketch on 
education for a singing quartette, by Harry L. Newton; 4 males. 
Time, 20 minutes. Heine Picklebrodt, the German teacher. John- 
nie Redd, the bad boy. Willie Green, the nice boy. Ikey Gold- 
silver, the Hebrew boy. A school where scholars and mirth run 
rampage, heeding not the teacher's rules. Any number of songs 
can be introduced. 

OSHKOSH NEXT WEEK.— A sketch for a singing quartette, by 
Harry L. Newton; 4 males. Time, 20 minutes. Three hungry 
young actors without money waiting for next week's engagement 
and an ingenious bell boy, who injects enough action and humor 
into the situation, to keep their thoughts from dwelling long on 
home and ham and eggs well done. Any number of songs can 
be introduced. 

AN OYSTER STEW.— A rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. 
Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 2 males. Time, 10 minutes. Dick 
Tell, a knowing chap. Tom Askit, not so wise. This act is filled 
to overflowing with lightning cross-fires, pointed puns and hot 
retorts. 

PICKLES FOR TWO.— Dutch rapid-fire talking act, by Harry 
L. Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 2 males. Time, 15 minutes. Hans, 
a German mixer. Gus, another one. Unique ludicrous Dutch 
dialect, interspersed with rib-starting witticisms. 

THE RECRUITING OFFICE.— Vaudeville talking act, by Harry 
L. Newton; 2 males. Time, 15 minutes. Irish comedians, "rough 
and straight." A laughing novelty with just enough plot to make 
the hinges work smoothly. 

A SPECIAL SALE.— Jew sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 males. 
Time, 15 minutes. Anson, a pawnbroker, sells Solomon a coat at 
a reduction. Save up your laughter for this sale. 

TWO JAY DETECTIVES.— A rural riot of comedy, by Harry L. 
Newton; 3 males. Time, 15 minutes. Two correspondence school 
detectives, a busy landlord, ludicrous clues and humorous deduc- 
tions. The shadowing and the investigations of these Reubens un- 
cover some real mirth. 

THE UMBRELLA MENDER.— Vaudeville act, by Harry L. New- 
ton; 2 males. Time, 15 minutes. Beginning with a shower and 
ending in a downpour of Jew jokes and Irish gags. 

T.S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given 



Winning Widow, 2 acts, VA hrs. 

(25c) 2 4 

Women Who Did, 1 hi... (25c) 17 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COMEDIETAS, Etc. 

All on a Summer's Day, 40 min. 4 6 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min 3 5 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 

Divided Attentions, 35 min 1 4 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min 4 2 

Familv Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in Photo Gallery, 30 min.. 6 10 
Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min... 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Jenkins' Brilliant Idea, 35m. S 

Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 m. 3 2 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 fi 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Shadows, 35 min 2 2 

Sing a Song of Seniors, 30 min. 7 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. 4 
Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min . . S 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

■ Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 



M. F. 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 

VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MON- 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min.... 2 3 
Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.10 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Colored Honeymoon, 25 min ... 2 2 
Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 1 
Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m.14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min, 1 1 

Darktown Fire Brigade, "25 min. 10 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min ..21 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 1 
Good Mornin' Judge, 35 min.. 9 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 J 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 

Memphis Mose, 25 min 5 1 

Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Oh, Doctor! 30 min 6 2 

One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10m. 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min.. 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.. 1 

Time Table, 20 min ■ ..-. 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress. 20 min. 1 2 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 

What Happened to Hannah, 15m. 1 1 



A great number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed in 

Denison's Catalogue 



POPULAR ENTERTAI 

Price, Illustrated Paper Cov 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



i — , -*- n 




this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attrac t i v e 
individual cov- 
er design. 
A Partial List 

DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

Very clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of ago. 
Country School Dialogues. 

Brand new, original 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country schools. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogue .:. 

Over 50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogue::. 

For older ones. 
Little People's Plays. 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. 

Thirty-eight original selection?. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Original successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little Peopk-. 

A child's speaker. 
The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogue? 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 
Humorous Monologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folks. 

Clever, humorous, original. 



Mon 



Sera 
( 




015 910 219 1 



morous, descriptive, prose, 
poetry. 15 Nos., per No. 25c 

DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 1 1 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
Good Things for Sunday Schools. 

Dialogues, excrc.ie,;, recitati :: . 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks' Eudget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. % 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pictured Readings and Tableaux. 

Entirely original features. 
Pranks arid Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Chadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. Fnr little tots. 
Yuletide Entertrir.mer.ts. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Dlack American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Joliy Jester. 

F:ni"v storie c . jok^.i, gags. etc. 

Large Illustrated Catalogue Free 



T.S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers ,1 54 W. Randolph St. , Chicago 



